I Feel You
Dear Kari,
I can't stop blushing and doing my stim where I play with my curls and mess up my hair, because I feel close to you.
I hope exposure therapy works in this situation.
I can see myself with you in a way where I'm not avoidant at all, and I feel comfortable and normal with you like we've known each other for a long time. Like you actually want me to be there. Like you accept me.
In this vision we're equal and it scares me. Not because of you, but because I'm equal to you. It feels real.
update
I unmasked for you in phone texts after almost falling asleep and I did an okay job of explaining my thoughts. Although you couldn't tell me if you understood, but at least I unmasked for you. I did what I was afraid of.
And I feel more equal to you. That's kind of exciting.
—Michael