Pizza
Dear Kari,
Just chilling before I get a vegan burger at Dang Burger. I'm boring if I ignore the substantial stuff that I write. I just flashed back to having an oven and the way 🍕 pizza was the best when you let everything almost burn, but not quite. Yum!
What are your pizza toppings? Or embellishments? I love black olives and also green olives, but black olives are the most essential embellishment on my pizzas.
Do you think "quiet" is to "quite" as "own" is to "pwn"?
KARI I used my psychic powers in Counter Strike once, no joke. I was the last "office guy" (not a terrorist) waiting at the back window with a sniperish bolt rifle OR WHATEVER and I just aimed and decided to pull the trigger, and the terrorist jumped up right at that moment and got headshot and I got banned from the server immediately LOL
I love alcohol intermittently because the dominant effect is probably something I need medication for. I get so relaxed. If I smoke weed I get even more relaxed and I'll just be there doing nothing in an sea of being unburdened.
I haven't typed anything for ten minutes. I'm doing telepathic parallel play with you. I actually worried a few days ago about whether you'd be angry at me for talking to you telepathically, because I tried and my brain probably daydreamed the slightly distant sound of your voice responding.
'Cause isn't that worse than calling on the phone? There's no caller ID, and I could always say "It wasn't me!" But if we connected you would probably know. You would telepathically make bird sounds at me and suddenly "BWAAAA!"
The best thing about camping is campfires. Because of food and cooking. Bee. Cause. I hated that marketing trend where every word in a sentence had a period after it.
The. best. amusement. park. for. ghosts. that. like. scaring. other. ghosts.
PERIOD
Campfires get hot enough to cook restaurant style. You can make one pancake ready to eat every five seconds.
What are your legendary extinct snacks? Pizzarias are a great white 🐃 buffalo, do you remember or were you too late? They're not a buffalo, I just care more about Pizzarias than any woman except for you.
They're before the great veganing began. It was the early '90s and I was playing Street Fighter 2049 and as a kid or preteen or lad the existence of the game was baffling. I mean did you ever enjoy games 95% by the hype you hyped yourself up with about the game?
Why can't Pizzerias be made again? Did you fuck with Enchiritos from Taco Bell? Don't make me cry for you, Kari, and tell me "no, we never had anything spicy or exotic in Utah, in fact that was before I ever saw a triangle shaped tortilla chip"
I need you to confirm: did everything taste better when we were kids? I feel like everything became worse tasting and worse quality. Cell phones fucked everything up. Everyone got distracted.
But seriously why do they take all the good stuff away? Kari, the reason why is the expansion of the world population. The good stuff is becoming unsustainable. Dave's Killer Bread had a cinnamon roll loaf called a SinDawg and it was so good, Kari. IT WAS SO DELICIOUS WHILE ALSO TASTING HEALTHY
and they took it away from me. Oh fuck, I need teriyaki yakisoba, will you still bro with me if I'm in love with noodles?
Do you like going places where no one knows you and chilling? I like going to bars where nobody knows me.
You want me to send this? Okay bro, I'll finally go eat. It was fun.
—Michael