So Comfy
Dear Kari,
I don't even know what I'm going to write. I'm super comfy and really enjoying this concept that I can lay here alone and not be visible online, and not be visible to anyone, and have no strings on me. I mean no connections (this has an exception) and no way for anyone to find me.
Beautiful clouds and palm trees. People scrambling through the internet to find a feeling of belonging, swip-swiping on dating apps, so much mess.
And I don't need any of it anymore. My world has been so ideal for me for so many decades when I had the privilege of being by myself. I WAS NEVER BORED, I WAS ALWAYS EXCITED. Imagine having your own place and you walk through the forest after work, like a vacation, and go to the grocery store while listening to Pandora.
Vegan pizzas and donuts and jerky and Gentleman Jack whisky and extreme heat salsa that they don't make any more. All the good Amy's frozen dinners and breakfasts and chinese food and ugh. I bought all the good stuff.
Then I walked back to my apartment. It was quiet for a whole year. I LOVE WATCHING MOVIES BY MYSELF, I LOVED PLAYING MY PLAYSTATION BY MYSELF. WHILE EATING DELICIOUS FOOD.
If I want company I go to karaoke.
I loved being by myself, women tried to date me and a co-worker moved apartments to be a few doors down from me. I was interested but I've done so much work on myself that no one can keep up. She tried to seduce me but her breath was not fresh when she wanted to kiss me, and I was out!
People are lazy and complacent, I don't want to just feed McDonalds to a child and play CoD and watch sports. I must be free until someone can match me.
I looked like a down to Earth guy when I was on the dance floor, but I was an astronaut. Women can dance with me and that's nice, but what are they concerned with during an average day? Oh no, they're all relatively basic! Time to enjoy being by myself more!
Mmm, being deep in the Adirondack and reading Hummingbird-Salamander while camping by a river. That was nice.
All of these spaces I traveled to, nobody knew me, I was alone everywhere I went and I loved it. I loved it so much.
One day somebody saw me and knew me when I was supposed to be unknowable. This person is vast, this person is complex, this person is challenging to fathom. This person matches me, this person saves me, this person transforms me.
Wow!
This person was worth the wait. And now I enjoy being alone, except I'm not alone, because I chose this single person to be connected to me. This one person that I feel surpasses me and enriches my life while giving me so much space.
But she colors my space with her colors and makes being alone so beautiful together.
She needs space but she finds ways to keep me close. I am very happy. I am a better person. I need to make her alone time beautiful, too.