Tuesday — April 7
Dear Kari,
I woke early today and watched a new YouTube video from my favorite first amendment auditors (two ex-Mormons that got married) KULT News.
The main guy is Mike Norton, who is notoriously hated by the LDS church for capturing video of ceremonies and activities that the church doesn't want outsiders to see. (at channel newnamenoah)
And here's the KULT News video that I watched this morning. The reason they're my favorite is because his quick wit is unmatched. He's like if someone went back in time already knowing what everyone would say.
He mocks stupidity really well. I like when the cops tell him the 911 callers were "uncomfortable" and he cries out, "Uncomfortable?! No! Noooo!"
And his relationship with his wife is really cute. She follows him from across the street and films him from a distance. They communicate by earpiece.
The song I listened to 100 times in a row was Jenevieve — "Flight Risk"
I'm learning a lot lately, and I spend a lot of time actually experiencing my feelings. I was born extremely resistant to authority, and authority includes feelings of pain and exhaustion that obstruct me from doing what I want.
I was a rebel since before I could speak, and one of my baby/toddler (?) stories is me crawling towards a metal heater grate with fierce determination. My dad would pick me up before I could hurt my hand on the grate. I would gently brush my hand over his cheek.
Eventually, I was a little older and stronger, and when he picked me up to save me from the grate (STILL going for it, lol) he discovered that the whole time I wasn't tenderly touching his face, I was slapping him.
He let me reach the grate in the end so I could learn that it wasn't worth it. lol.
So I felt my overwhelmed feelings for a long time today. Until I tried talking out loud, and that helped a little. Then I sang, and the overwhelm relief was substantial.
I worked out twice today, so that's about five hours of exercise.
I was happy about thinking about the opportunity that animals provide for us to lavish them with care and learn about unconditional love.
I started learning more about autism again, and I'm excited to have committed to this again since learning about it helped me grow so much as an avoidant. And it's fascinating. I want to be a more caring and considerate person.
Right now at 6:32 PM I'm gonna drink water and eat and learn from reading and YouTube videos. I feel like a lot of my time is spent just watching my new life unfold and unfold for miles.
My world is still quiet and safe. There's no rush and no expectations here, and everything is free of charge.
—Michael